By the time most people realize they’re in trouble, their ex is already three steps ahead. Here’s the thing about divorce – it’s not paranoia if they’re actually plotting. And trust us, after handling thousands of cases, we’ve seen every trick in the playbook.
The worst part? The most devastating moves often happen while you’re still trying to “keep things civil.” But here’s the good news: you can learn to spot these warning signs before they cost you everything.
Sign #1: The Sudden Saint Syndrome
Remember that spouse who couldn’t be bothered to attend parent-teacher conferences? The one who thought “quality time” meant checking their phone while the kids watched TV? Well, surprise – they’ve suddenly transformed into Parent of the Year.
We call this the “Sudden Saint Syndrome,” and it’s more dangerous than you think.
What It Looks Like:
Unexplained interest in school events
Detailed documentation of every minute spent with the kids
Sudden involvement in activities they previously ignored
Excessive photos and social media posts about parenting
“Concerned” texts about your parenting choices
Why It’s Dangerous:
Take Sarah’s case (name changed, lesson very real). She thought it was “sweet” that her ex suddenly started attending every school event and documenting their time with the kids. Three months later, she faced a custody battle where her ex presented a detailed six-month record of their “consistent involvement” – making her look like the less engaged parent.
How to Protect Yourself:
Document EVERYTHING
Keep a detailed calendar of your parenting time
Save screenshots of all communications
Maintain records of all school/activity involvement
Create your own paper trail of engagement
Don’t React Emotionally
Maintain your regular routine
Continue your normal parenting style
Avoid the trap of competing for “Super Parent”
Start Your Own Documentation
Photos of regular activities (not just special events)
Records of daily involvement
Communications with teachers/coaches
Medical appointment attendance
Remember: This isn’t about paranoia – it’s about protection. The time to act is NOW, before their strategy fully unfolds.
Sign #2: The Paper Trail Setup
You know what’s worse than an angry ex? A suddenly “concerned” one who’s carefully documenting everything. When your formerly tech-averse spouse starts sending carefully worded emails about every minor issue, warning bells should ring.
The New Communication Pattern:
Long, detailed emails about trivial matters
Frequent “just checking in” texts
Written “concerns” about your parenting decisions
Requests for written confirmations of verbal agreements
Meet Tom (not his real name, very real $40,000 mistake). His ex went from casual texts to formal emails overnight. “She said she was just trying to be organized,” Tom told us. Those emails later became Exhibits A through Z in court, painting him as uncooperative and unstable. Each “innocent” inquiry was crafted to provoke a frustrated response.
Protect Your Interests:
The 24-Hour Rule
Never respond immediately to provocative messages
Draft responses, then wait
Review before sending (better yet, let us review)
Communication Guidelines
Keep responses brief and factual
Avoid emotional language
Don’t take the bait on accusations
Document phone calls with follow-up emails
Red Flag Phrases to Watch For:
“As we discussed…”
“I’m concerned about…”
“For the record…”
“I just want to confirm…”
Sign #3: The Money Dance
Suddenly your joint accounts look different? Welcome to the pre-divorce shuffle – where missing statements and “honest mistakes” could cost you everything.
Warning Signs:
New passwords on joint accounts
Missing financial statements
Unusual transfers or withdrawals
“Investment opportunities” you’re not part of
Sudden interest in separate accounts
Real-World Example:
Lisa thought her spouse was “finally taking interest in their finances.” By the time she realized what was happening, significant assets had been moved, restructured, or mysteriously “lost.” The worst part? Some moves happened so long ago, they were hard to trace.
Remember how your ex suddenly became a social butterfly? Those aren’t just friendly chats at school pickup – they’re casting calls for future testimony.
The Collection Process:
Excessive chats with teachers
New “deep” conversations with your mutual friends
Sudden interest in neighborhood gatherings
“Confiding” in your family members
Regular appearances at your kids’ activities
The Setup You Don’t See:
Meet Mike. He couldn’t figure out why his ex was suddenly besties with their kid’s soccer coach. Six months later, that same coach testified about Mike’s “aggressive behavior” at games – conveniently forgetting the three years of peaceful interactions before.
Counter-Moves:
Maintain Your Reputation
Stay visible in positive ways
Document your own community involvement
Keep professional in all interactions
Watch for Red Flags:
Ex suddenly showing up where you normally handle things
“Concerned” friends asking leading questions
Increased social media documentation of your ex’s activities
More witnesses to your interactions than normal
Sign #5: The Documentation Destroyer
The opposite of creating evidence? Making it disappear. When access to joint information starts vanishing, it’s rarely a “technical glitch.”
Common Tactics:
“Forgotten” passwords
Missing important papers
Locked home offices
Deleted shared calendars
“Lost” medical records
Protect Your Info:
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Compassionate Support. Get expert advice tailored to your needs.
Look, we get it. Reading this probably hasn’t made your day better. But here’s the truth: knowledge is power, and power is exactly what you need right now.
Immediate Steps:
Document everything starting TODAY
Secure your critical information
Start building your own paper trail
Get professional eyes on your situation
Why Wait = Lose
The longer you wait to get help, the more time they have to build their strategy. Every day matters. Every document matters. Every interaction matters.
Get Protected
We’ve seen these patterns hundreds of times. More importantly, we know how to counter them. Our team offers free consultations to help you understand your specific situation.
Don’t wait until you’re defending yourself against months of careful setup. Call us now at (951) 972 8287 or schedule your free consultation online.
Remember: The best time to protect yourself was yesterday. The second best time is now.
Beshoy F. Shehata is the CEO and lead attorney at Family Law Matters. A graduate of California Western School of Law (Cum Laude) and a member of the California State Bar since 2017, B is known for his strategic legal mind and deep compassion for clients facing divorce, custody, and emergency hearings. His mission is simple: guide families through difficult transitions with clarity, strength, and care.
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I came to family law matters during a hard time, and they assured me that I came to the right place. I knew I was at a disadvantage being a single father in the world of family law where men usually do not win. I knew I had to make a big decision, which was to switch from self representing myself to having a firm represent me instead. I was living in temecula at the time and family law matters was a top firm in the area. I met with attorney Shehata of the firm for the first time consultation, and he assured me that he would do everything in his power in order to get my daughter back. I explained my situation to him and how my daughter was kidnapped by the mother of my child. Even with a joint custody agreement I was experiencing many difficulties and challenges with the other parent of my child, and was not able to enforce this order properly. The police would not assist me properly when I previously had a joint custody agreement, so I had to get an attorney to help me acquire full custody. It was my goal to first get my daughter back, then after attain full custody so that I can properly enforce my order if needed be. It was a process, but it was achievable in much less time with this firm looking over me. I was able to get my daughter back in less then two months from the time I hired the firm, and achieved full custody only 8 months after hiring them. Family law matters would help me make decisions that were in my best interest, and they would create strategies that would help me conquer the opposition. There attorneys and staff have excellent experience in family law, and they treat you with respect and carry themselves with superior professionalism. I am grateful for choosing family law matters, and praise them for allowing me to reunite with my best friend, my 4 year old daughter. In addition, I also thank family law matters for guiding me on how to take the right steps to attain full custody of my daughter.
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Shahed Saatsaz
2/15/2023
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